Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The beer is more important than you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
