glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she looked like the before picture.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
