I got her a Nickelback box set.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
