Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize