dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
