I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
