someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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