omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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