I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
