Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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