FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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