I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my liver is dry heaving
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