I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
