Just cropdusted the office
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
