When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
