The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
