a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
