Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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