The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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