You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
