i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
