As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How does one acquire holy water?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
