holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
