This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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