Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
