If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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