Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
