I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Randomize
