What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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