dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
