Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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