i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
