He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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