My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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