she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
