i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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