my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
too bad you live with your parents still
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
