i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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