come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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