I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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