I'm going to jail i love you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize