Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
