Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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