why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
