My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
