How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think your dad took our porno
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
