I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
3pm strippers are depressing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
