my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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