Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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