Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Randomize
