Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
