I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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