kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
