You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
