that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
