finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
