Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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