He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
