why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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