Your tits are I can't wait for
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
