You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
