She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
