carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
