me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
