I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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