She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
